Parenting with bipolar

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Parenting with bipolar disorder

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What do children of bipolar parents need?
To understand their parent’s condition For their parent to acknowledge their fears To have the skills to cope with their life as it is To have someone other than a parent, who has already earned their trust, available to care for them To know there are other families like theirs To have the very best of their parent who has bipolar disorder To have a life of their own, take risks and have lots of fun! Minimum disruption when their parent is ill To be free from having to look after their parents.
How a parent's bipolar disorder affects children
The opportunities When we’re well, people with bipolar disorder are normal parents. Bipolar disorder can also be an advantage to us as parents. Having to learn how to cope with traumatic events and battle on forces us to lead more considered lives. We develop a perspective on life that acknowledges the inevitability of human suffering and we teach our children from that understanding. Along the way, we learn that even major setbacks aren’t usually fatal and we can readily use that knowledge to teach our children to pick themselves up after small catastrophes. We apply in parenting the psychology we’ve learned in the course of our own journeys; our lives focus on continuing development.	The challenges Like it or not, when bipolar disorder is active it affects those around us, including our children. Though most studies of the effects of bipolar disorder on kids tend to focus on the negatives and use questionable frameworks and methodology, it’s worth considering some of the ‘risk factors’ that have been identified. Our fluctuating ups and downs and periods of normal good health mean it’s hard to provide a consistent emotional environment for the children. A depressed view of the world can lead us to be pessimistic about our own future and our children’s endeavors. Studies also conclude that some parents with major depression put a guilt trip on their kids, saying things like ‘If you’d stayed home from school today to look after me I wouldn’t have had to go to hospital.’ The research indicates that we also tend to be over-protective. We may be prevented by illness, separation and sedation from ‘switching on and tuning in’ to our kids, leading many researchers to conclude that we have trouble bonding with our kids and letting them separate to become individuals. None of us likes the grains of truth contained in these studies, but don’t get defensive! Consider whether the negative effects are happening in your family. If they’re not happening, that’s terrific. If they are, the knowledge gives you power to change things.
This material is an extract from Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding, Chapter 14 "Moms, Dads and Kids on the Roller-coaster" by Madeleine Kelly.
How to explain bipolar disorder to your child Figure out before you start which analogy or comparison you are going to use, for example the weather, a pendulum, a roller-coaster. You can use "The Rainbow Angels" to help. Be brief, but don't miss out important parts just because you are embarrassed! Invite questions Emphasise what you are doing to get better Don't complain, and never, ever blame anyone for your bipolar disorder Always acknowledge the child's feelings as true and authentic. Never say "Oh, you don't really feel like that" Help the child develop coping strategies for him or her self Select another adult whom the child trusts to look after him or her if you become ill again and approach that person together. Be prepared to have many conversations about bipolar disorder over many years - life is a long story, and everyone's understanding increases with time.
The Rainbow Angels The Rainbow Angels, an uplifting story for young children explaining a parent's bipolar disorder, using symbols and magical imagery... Open up dialogue with your children and help them understand bipolar / manic depression. Free with every copy of Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding or download for just US $9.95.	Our credentials We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information: verify here

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Last modified 27 January 2008

This page was written and published by Madeleine Kelly, a bipolar sufferer who underwent undergraduate medical training (University of Melbourne) and who is the author of Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding.

Questions or problems regarding this web site should be directed to Publisher at TwoTreesMedia dot com.

This site and the book Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding, the 2nd edition of Life on a Roller-coaster - living well with depression and manic depression contain the opinions and ideas of the author, Madeleine Kelly. The site and the book are intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed. The book is sold with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering medical, health, or any other kind of professional services in the book. The reader should consult his or her medical, health, or other competent professional before adopting any of the suggestions in the book or this site or drawing inferences therefrom. The author and publisher disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book or site.